Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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