I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize