fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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