Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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