pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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