i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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