I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
