yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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