sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
