tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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