just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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