nut hugger
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
