How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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