you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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