Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
