pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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