When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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