Define "chronic" masturbator.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
