If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
