I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
