can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
