I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
