I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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