her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
