Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
