fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
