I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
time to smoke my breakfast
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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