when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i came on her dog
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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