she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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