I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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