i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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