He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You made out with two different species that night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
