that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
