he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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