Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
