It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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