We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
