Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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