I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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