You're so nebulous sometimes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My vagina is very pro this idea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
