And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize