He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
