before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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