If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
