your room smells of hookers.
And success
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
