You really coming over, don't trick.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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