Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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