Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
