You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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