saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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