My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
