FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
