Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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