can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just threw up on my dentist
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
