She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
