You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize