Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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