Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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