I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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