she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
