Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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