This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
