you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
