i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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