Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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