I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
