I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
