new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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