Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
