You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
