Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
