why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
