Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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