I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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