if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
