Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
