pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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