My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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