Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
a search helicopter?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
