I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
