Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
