It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
