If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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