I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize