Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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