he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have aggressive nipples.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
