doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
