It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
