please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
