Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
