I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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