I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
