my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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