Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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