Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
