I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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