This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
