I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
