Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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