I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
