am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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