The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
