It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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