please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
