How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
