Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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