My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
