just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
