So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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