OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You can't motorboat a personality
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
