hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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