Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
