If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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