My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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