it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
